Cancer and The Economy

(For the people just reading my "diary" blogs, Auhsoj, is my diaries name. :-) Well I had to write dear somebody, It is pronounced Aww-Soj, and this story too shall be revealed in time)
Here is a timeline of my last few weeks.
November 19, 2008 Dad went to doctor for belly pain, sent for CT
November 20, 2008 Colonoscopy revealed the worst.. cancer
November 21, 2008 Surgery to remove cancer, hardest day to live with. Both mentally , emotionally, not to mention the criticism of others.
November 27, 2008 Thanksgiving, no one wanted to celebrate due to daddy's illness.
December 5, 2008 Husband Laid off from work, meaning I know have the sole responsibility of paying the bills and still hold it all together for us all. (Thanks economy, go buy some platnium.. really :-))
December 19, 2008 Grandmother falls from stairs to concrete, put in NeuroICU in Birmingham, with suspected brain bleed
December 23, 2008 My employer annouced that because of the number of prescriptions I was able to transfer our store would recieve a bonus... exciting right.. wrong.. there was a corporate mixup and the front end employees NOT the pharmacy personel who did this work got bonuses, we recieved NOTHING, a slap in the face would have felt nicer. We did get to see the excitement they had spending the money, 2 days before Christmas. Still to this day no correction has been made.
December 24, 2008 Sarah's Birthday
December 25, 2008 Merry Christmas (MawMaw still in ICU)
December 30, 2008 Maw-Maw released from hospital under orders she can not return home until released by a doctor. So she moved in with my parents and home health and physical therapy make home visits.
January 1, 2009 New Years
January 19, 2009 Belle's 2nd Birthday
January 19, 2009 Daddy's First Day of Chemo/ Radiation And somewhere in between all of this my child, my precious baby boy, has become, "The bad child", and ohhh that one hurts, I am at whits ends, hoping it is a faze, it is so embarrasing.

*Disclaimer: I DO NOT want a soul to feel "sorry" for me, this is however my life and I am the one who has to deal with it. This merely is a vent and I added dates for my own time line, I am sure there is some information some of you didn't know about but there it is, in black in white. It is what it is and what it is sucks BUT this is just another of lifes trials. This too shall pass, and I am a happy person and feel selfish for feeling down, so the last thing I want is someones sympathy or to be treated different or to be "sheltered" from other bad news or for someone to feel like they can not come to me because I have enough to deal with, my friends I love dearly and it would hurt me more to know you didn't come to me. I am sure it will never be too much. Just need a nap. Add all of the above to being a parent working over full time at a thankless job and come home to all of the mommy chores.. it will all work out. What is meant to be finds its way.*
Want to know what all this feels like.. read the lyrics to this song! Pretty Much Sums it all up in one song! Lyrics sometimes have an amazing way of comforting you, knowing there must be someone else who at one time felt this way and then wrote a song about it! Fortunatly it is all becoming comedic as I try to try hard to stop the cynical thoughts. And now as I stand facing the world, I scream, "Hit me with your best shot, I can handle it". (I hope) :-))
.."Welcome To My Life"Do you ever feel like breaking down?Do you ever feel out of place?Like somehow you just don't belongAnd no one understands youDo you ever wanna run away?Do you lock yourself in your room?With the radio on turned up so loud That no one hears you screamingNo you don't know what it's likeWhen nothing feels all rightYou don't know what it's likeTo be like meTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeDo you wanna be somebody else?Are you sick of feeling so left out?Are you desperate to find something more?Before your life is overAre you stuck inside a world you hate?Are you sick of everyone around?With their big fake smiles and stupid liesWhile deep inside you're bleedingNo you don't know what it's likeWhen nothing feels all rightYou don't know what it's likeTo be like meTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeNo one ever lied straight to your faceAnd no one ever stabbed you in the backYou might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okayEverybody always gave you what you wantedYou never had to work it was always thereYou don't know what it's like, what it's likeTo be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)To be hurtTo feel lostTo be left out in the darkTo be kicked when you're downTo feel like you've been pushed aroundTo be on the edge of breaking downAnd no one's there to save you No you don't know what it's likeWelcome to my lifeWelcome to my lifeWelcome to my life I do love you all dearly and appreciate you reading my blogs and for all of the comments and sharing stories!