My circus

So I had these big plans to have like word vomit and spew my guts in this blog (refreshing choice of words I know) .. BUT I think I will wait.. At least now I have a starting point, to work from as I can.
I had this as a bulletin but then thought better about sharing so much with my adoring fans, I am sure to get tongues wagging!
10 things you may not have known about me until this countdown and if you did you must know me pretty well!
Hold on to your seats folks cause here I go......
1. I lived in Clay County (Cragford) but I didn't go to school in Ashland or Lineville, instead I went to Talladega, were I lived until I was 13ish, and my family moved to the CC but I have went to more Lineville football games than Talladega by FAR, thanks to my brother and sister who DID go to Lineville High and DID live in the same house with me, with the same parents, just went to schools in different counties.(Confused yet?)
2. I COMPLETELY repulsed by rodents.. all of them make me shudder, just going down the isle with the mouse traps, seeing the pictures make me cringe.
3. I think sushi is disusting, no matter what you say, it is raw fish.. and I do not want any of it and no I haven't tried it, I saw it and that was enough.
4. Before my 20th birthday I had been married and divorced to one of those Clay County boys who had my heart and his better interests in mind, I also moved to Anniston to live by myself to get away from "everything", which in keeping with my "plans", did not happened, I somehow ended up pregnant, which changed my life FOREVER, for the better, nothing can ever impact your life, like a child, and no matter what so help me, I will do ANYTHING to do right by them.
5. I still sleep with the same bear I have had for over 10 years because my MawMaw gave him to me the Christmas my house burned and my family lost everything but each other.
6. I find myself overcome with guilt over everything, things I can't change, things I can, I think it is a curse.
7. I adore the month of October, I love the weather, how it feels, how it smells and knowing the holidays are coming up.
8. I love my family more than anything in this world, I didn't always know how much I did, until reality slapped me in the face and then it hurt I felt it so bad.
9. When I was growing up I had my entire life planned out. It didn't go as planned.
10. I apparently can NOT make a right decision until I have tried ALL of the wrong ones. I can not believe I revealed so much in this list.I think I should close now before I tell something else I may regret! :-)
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Dear Auhsoj,Lately I have been having a hard time dealing, with life in general. Then when I think about dealing with things I feel so selfish because I know there are so many others who have lives that are so much worse than my own. In my mind however being dramatic it may seem it is all tragic. The blogs I place on prefered only will be labeled so at the top, that means these are my private thoughts and my way of creating a therapy for myself. It is more of a diary pursae, which is why there are only a few I am allowing to read my diary. I think I will write my own autobiography and if for no other reason than to share and let others know that it is ok to feel certain ways and that everyone makes mistakes and sometimes those mistakes you think you make are not that at all but part of a bigger well drawn out plan, I really am just rambling throwing around ideas that will better fit my needs. So for the first time in my entire life, I am going to lay it all out there, tell my story and maybe get rid of this permanant lump that seems to be lodged in my throat. Life is a funny thing, once you get used to it, it changes, I guess to see if you can keep up. I know that the guilt literally eats at me because my father has cancer and I chose to move up here because I thought I could run away from my heartaches, if only I knew another ache would replace that one that would make me want to be closer to "home". I feel guilty about a number of things, I am the oldest child, I should be the one taking care of things but no, I am the only child that can not drop everything and be there when needed. Oh how it feels to be pulled in a million different directions. You have an obligation to work, which in turn pays your bills, you also have an obligation to your family. Anyway this is my starting point, I do hope everyone enjoys the read and the next will be better laid out.